Christmas

Christmas is often a time of dysregulation for wounded children.  It may trigger conscious and/or subconscious memories of past Christmases that involved fighting, abuse, drinking, no gifts or celebration and be a reminder of the loss of a biological family.  This time of year can bring with it a change in structure and routine at home and school and an increase in activities and sensory impute which most wounded children do not handle well.  It can create a sense of losing control, stressed and distracted adults and overwhelming expectations.

Keeping things as low key as possible, focusing the child's brain and energy on the real meaning of Christmas instead of gifts and Santa and making sure the child/ren have lots of time with mom and dad will help get through this time of year more easily for the family.  Here are some ideas:

1) Make gifts instead of buying presents for family, friends and neighbors.  Purchase gift bags that can be decorated and spend time with the children decorating them.  Fill them with items the family has made together such as baked goods and fruit, fill a jar with dry ingredients for cookies, breads or hot drinks, make homemade Christmas ornaments, cards and/or small gifts.  Chocolate Mint Spoon, Hot Chocolate Spoons, Mason Jar Recipes.  This can provide an appropriate way to use up that nervous energy and get the mind focused on something positive as well as some mommy or daddy time for your child.

2)  Cover an empty tissue box with construction paper, print out pictures of an empty manager and glue on to each side.  Tell the children that for hundreds of years people prayed and longed for Christ to come to save the world. Have the children place notes in the "manager" that express what they hope for; for each member in the family, for their friends, for people in the world.  They can write special prayers for loved ones who are hurting, children in other countries who are suffering and people they know who don't know Christ as their savior.  Then on Christmas Eve take away the "empty manager" and replaced it with a nativity.

3) Celebrate advent.

4) Read about Christmas decorations and/or symbols as they are used to decorate the tree and/or house.

5) Create the custom of each person only receiving 3 gifts.  Before gifts are opened, shared information about the 3 gifts Jesus received . 

Wisdom

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  

Your child has been wounded, a wound that has had a negative impact on his or her development and emotional health.  Love alone will not heal your child's wounds.  

Courage to change the things I can.

Successfully healing a wounded child involves change, lots of change.  Changing those things about yourself that create barriers to the process and those beliefs that keep you from doing what is needed.  Sometimes change will involves learning new parenting skills and a different way of looking at your relationship with your child.

Wisdom to know the difference.

Wisdom is the ability to think and act using knowledge, experience, understanding, common sense and insight.  Any professionals working with you and your child need to be helping you gain knowledge, understanding and insight.  If not find someone who will.  Learn from your experiences and when those experiences are not successful, let them be lessons, not failures